If you've ever interviewed for a job before I'm sure you've thought (like myself) "Man I wish I was on the other side of the table. It must be so much easier."
Well it's not. It sucks. Hiring has turned out to be one of my least favorite activities as a manager ever. You have to wade through hundreds of resumes to find qualified candidates. Most of these resumes look like this:
Person's name
Person's address
Contact info (maybe)
Objective: To find a job that blah blah blah utilizing my skills to the blah blah challenging work environment blah blah opportunity for growth.
(Resume tip #1: Don't just copy and paste the objective statement from the template you're "learning from". It's boring and the "hiring manager" you're talking to has read the same damn thing about 3000 times this afternoon and doesn't give a shit if you want a chance to utilize your skills.)
Work History
Totally unrelated job #1
I did things that don't qualify me for anything other than performing the job listed above but I'm going to draw out every tiny detail of said position to make it look like I did more than I actually did and make each task so general and vague that it could be applied to any job ever but not really.
Completely unusable experience #2
I really learned a lot about myself in this position because I didn't do anything other than click around on Facebook and write personal emails on company time
Volunteer experience
I saved the manatees in Oklahoma which clearly qualifies me for this receptionist job you're posting for. I'm amazing and selfless. (Resume tip #2 if you don't have a lot of work experience just tacking on times when you did something for free doesn't necessarily impress us unless of course it has something to do with the job we're hiring for. I'm glad the kids of McDonald house learned to finger paint with you but that's not going to instill in me the confidence that you can handle yourself on the phone.)
Related skills
Nothing I can actually use in your position. WPM >30 (Resume tip #3: If you aren't a good typist don't highlight it in your "skills" section. It's not a skill to have to look at the keyboard to type.)
References available. (Read: my mom and best friend who both think I'd be great for this.)
(Overall hiring tips #4-9 your cover letter needs to be more than "see attached" or "Please consider me for this position". Don't email 15 craigslist email addresses at the same time. Don't spell words wrong. You have a spellcheck on your computer. The word will turn red if it is wrong. I don't know what else it could do to help you. Don't forget how to use an apostrophe. Know the difference between there/their/they're, your/you're/yore (doubt you'd use the last version but maybe if you're applying for a Ren fest gig) and to/too/two. Lastly, if you don't REALLY want the job then DON'T APPLY FOR IT. You are wasting both of our time and when I ask you "Why do you want to work here?" and you stumble through a response like "well it's umm a cool place and umm I think could use my experience to benefit the spa and learn valuable tools to pursue my...OH MY GOD SHUT UP. I can't take it. If your answer is "I really just need a job and while I don't think this is my carer I think I could do this and I can commit to it for at least a couple of months while I continue to look for what I actually want to do with my life" I'd probably hire you on the spot. Well, as long as your resume was a bit more put together than the bulk of the ones that come through the inbox.)
So while looking for work sucks, looking for someone to work for you sucks too. I would love to never have to do either of these things again but I'm pretty sure both are in my future. Hopefully it gets easier each time.
Don't correct me if you know otherwise.
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