Trite and Emotional

I always hate when a blog becomes some sort of sounding post for "Oh God things are so hard" or "My life, oh my life" and those sort of things. I feel like it's grasping for sympathy and feels forced.

On the other hand, writing things out seems to be a nice purge for me. With that in mind, please stop reading unless you're ready for some self-pity.

I'm having a difficult time reigning in my emotions. I've always known that I'm a "feeler" that I lead with my heart and that I put myself out there all the time, often without regard for what "could" happen. I know that I prefer to live like this because it is the only way I truly feel like I'll experience life. (How cliche.) I often scoff at those people who are totally emotionally unaware and I don't understand what kind of joy or happiness they can find when they close themselves off to fully experiencing things.

However.

The downside to putting your heart out there so freely is that it can get hurt a lot easier than if you kept it even a little guarded. My heart beats outside of my chest and I keep maybe a layer of saran wrap around it as protection. Obviously this doesn't defend from much. I invest deeply and I invest quickly in everything. I attribute part of this to my artsy-fartsy background. As an actor/musician/artist/whatever you're trained to feel as much as you can. To take pride in the fact that your emotions are your canvas and your ability to relate/feel/experience/see/love puts you in a different position than many people. I know I still believe this is a good thing. I love being who I am. I love being open. I love being intense. I love going for things even when I know it very well could fail. I love loving. There is nothing more that I want than to find someone that I can love and who will love me back deeply, passionately and without reservation. It just gets a little harder each time when you put yourself out there and it doesn't work like you might hope. I thought that this all might get a bit easier as I got used to the process but it still hurts. My processing time has gotten a bit better and I think I've been better equipped to logically think things through but logic has never been one of my strong points and even when it makes a very valid point, my heart overrules it. I can't say that I truly believe that the people who close themselves off and guard their heart so deeply are better off than I, because I certainly don't, but I can say that it might not be the worst thing in the world to try and protect yourself from feeling this kind of hurt unnecessarily.

Two new ice cream flavors you should try "Imagine Whirled Peace" and "Mission to Marzipan"
New Wine you should try "Red Guitar: Navarra Grape" and "Louis Jadot: Beaujolais-Villages"